


Post-Apocalypse

by mithrel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blanket Permission, Episode Related, First Kiss, M/M, POV Second Person, POV Third Person, Podfic Welcome, Season/Series 06, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-10-08
Updated: 2010-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-13 18:29:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/506423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>You tell yourself it doesn’t matter.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Solid Ground

You tell yourself it doesn’t matter, tell yourself that the feelings you had were a byproduct of losing your Grace, even though the doubts started long before you fought Zachariah.

You tell yourself you’re happy for him, tell yourself you have more important things to worry about, even though you keep a close eye on him. Tell yourself it doesn’t matter he’s in love.

He doesn’t pray, and so you ignore him, him and his brother, until the weapons are stolen. Until he does pray. And seeing him again is unexpectedly painful, so you deflect and evade. You ignore his questions, his protests, and leave as soon as you can.

You have more important things to do.

It’s better this way.


	2. Setting the Record Straight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean has some things he needs to hash out.

Dean’s praying again. It’s stupid. Cas won’t come. (The words “You think I came here because _you_ called?” echo in his head). But there was that shit about “a profound bond,” so maybe.

Sam’s off somewhere, and Dean’s really starting to worry about him. He’s acting worse than he had three years ago, when he was drinking demon blood, and he would think Sam had fallen off the wagon, except he’s not acting like he did when he was high.

But right now he’s more worried about Cas. He gets his mojo back and suddenly he’s back to the dick popping in and out all the time, telling them what to do and refusing to answer any questions. He remembers when the Witnesses were rising. “You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around? There’s a bigger picture here.” Well, now he’s apparently as big-picture as he can get, since he tortured a kid to get information.

“Cas. We need to talk.”

He waits, and there’s nothing. Figures.

“Dean.”

He rolls his eyes. Angels must be part ninja or something, since they never show up in front of you.

He twists around. “What’s up with you?”

Cas cocks his head. “What’s…?”

Dean rolls his eyes. “What’s going on? You’re acting weird, even for you.”

“As I said–”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean says. “Your ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty.’” He makes the air-quotes just like Cas did. “But you can’t just drag us around like that, man. And that kid…”

“I regret that,” Cas says quietly, and he actually looks like he does. Dean remembers that he said “can’t care,” not “don’t care.” Not that it matters. “But if I hadn’t found the name more people would have died.”

“But you let the guy out.”

Cas frowns. “Balthazar. Yes. He turned Raphael into a pillar of salt.”

Dean blinks. “Seriously?”

Cas nods. “If he hadn’t, Raphael would have killed me.”

“So you let him out.”

“Yes.”

“Even though he’s collecting souls and still has some of the weapons.”

“He’s my friend, Dean. And he helped me. Regardless of what I think of his decisions, I owe him for that.”

“You owe him.”

“Yes.”

And there’s obviously more there than Cas is telling him, a lot more, and Dean opens his mouth to ask about it, for all the good it’ll do. “What about Sam, huh? What about me? You just up and leave, don’t let Sam know you have no clue he’s outta Hell, don’t let _me_ know he’s outta Hell…don’t you owe us anything?” Or not.

“That’s different,” Cas mutters.

“Oh? How? How is it different?”

“I had things to do. Heaven is in chaos, Raphael is trying to take over…”

“Yeah, I know all that. But you couldn’t have taken two seconds to let us know you were alright?” He says _us_ but that’s not what he means.

“You were happy. You were in love–”

“Oh, Jesus, not you too!” The last thing he needs is to be fed the same bullshit from Cas that he got from Sam and Bobby. “I’m not in love with Lisa!”

Cas blinks. “You’re not?”

“No.” And he’s not. He loves Lisa, and he liked living with her, but he’s not _in_ love. And whatever she said about “come when you can,” Dean knows she’s going to get sick of being patient with him, get sick of bending over backwards to accommodate his issues. It would end in tears, just like everything he’s ever had.

“I…wasn’t aware of that.”

“Well that’s obvious, Einstein.”

“I’m sorry,” Cas says after a moment, “I never meant to cause you pain.”

Several responses flash across his mind, among them, _Yeah, well you did_ and _I’m used to it,_ but what he says is, “No problem.”

Cas doesn’t call him on it, which he’s sort of grateful for.

“You’re not in love with her?”

Dean stares. Why does it even matter? But Cas looks…hopeful? No, he’s being ridiculous. “I’m not. And it’s not fair to her to stick around. When someone cares about you more than you care about them it always ends bad.” Case in point standing right in front of him.

And Cas’ people skills must not be that rusty, since he winces. “But that’s not always the case.”

Dean stares again. “Say what?”

“It may end badly if someone cares more for you than you do them, but how do you know that?”

“I told you, I’m not in love with Lisa.”

“I’m not talking about Lisa.”

And Dean’s brain grinds to a halt, because the only way he can interpret that makes no sense. “Who are you talking about?”

Cas actually rolls his eyes, gives a long-suffering sigh and grabs hold of his shirt.

Dean flails, but then Cas is _kissing him_ and OK, _what?_

Before he can do anything more than flail, Cas pulls away, glares at him, says, “You’re an idiot,” and vanishes.

Dean stares at the spot where he’d been. “You gotta be fucking _kidding_ me!”


	3. No Solid Ground

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s life is falling apart around him.

Dean’s life is falling apart around him. He can’t bring himself to talk to Lisa since he pushed past Ben and ran out on her. He’s convinced Sam isn’t Sam anymore. And Cas…well, God only knows what’s up with Cas. Bastard’s gone incommunicado again.

Dean had ignored him, ignored what happened, for as long as possible. But then Sam let him get turned and he started calling Cas again. No answer.

And now suddenly Cas is here, like he never kissed him and vanished, like Dean hasn’t been calling him for days.

“Hello Dean.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dean snarls. “I have been on red alert about Sam and you come for some stupid horn?!” He’s pissed, too pissed to care about how the circles under Cas’ eyess, about the tension in his stance.

“You asked me to be here, and I came–”

“I’ve been asking you to be here for days, you dick!”

Cas doesn’t rise to the insult, doesn’t get angry, and that just pisses Dean off even more. “I didn’t come about Sam because I have nothing to offer about Sam.”

And this has got to stop, this whole “I-don’t-know-the-answer-to-their-question-so-I’ll-ignore-it” bullshit. “Well that’s great, because for all we know he’s gift-wrap for Lucifer!”

“No he’s…he’s not Lucifer.” Cas picks up the bottle and for a second Dean thinks he’s going to take a drink–he looks like he could use one–but he only steps closer.

“And how do you know that?” Dean’s proud of how steady his voice is, considering he’s remembering the last time he saw Cas, after Balthazar and the Staff of Moses, right before Cas took everything he knew and turned it on its head. But he can’t think about that now, he has more important things to worry about.

Cas refills his glass, and it’s so bizarrely domestic Dean doesn’t know what to do with it. “If Lucifer escaped the cage we’d feel it.”

And, yeah, maybe Dean should have figured that, but…

“What is wrong with him?”

“I don’t know Dean. I’m sorry.”

“What happened to you Cas? You used to be human, or at least like one.” The old Cas would never have tortured a kid, whatever reasons he gave for it.

Cas looks away. “I’m at war.” He turns his back and continues, “Certain…regrettable things are now required of me.”

“And Gabriel’s Horn of Truth, that’s a real thing?”

Cas turns back immediately. “You’ve seen it?”

“We think it’s in town, something’s forcing people–” But he’s talking to thin air. _Dammit, stop_ doing _that!_

“Oh, well, you’re welcome!” Dean growls, draining his drink in one pull.

But when he turns around Cas is standing there again. “It isn’t the Horn of Truth.”

Dean shakes his head at him. “What are you talking about, you were gone for like, two seconds, where did you look?”

“Everywhere,” Cas says, like it should have been obvious.

“Right.” Dean keeps forgetting he’s juiced up again, despite the fact that he zapped them everywhere last time he showed up. “Well, nice seeing you anyway.” Cas probably won’t get the sarcasm, won’t recognize the bitterness in his tone, but he doesn’t really care.

“Dean.” Or maybe he would, since his voice has gone soft.

“What?” Dean snaps back as he refills his drink, refusing to be swayed.

“About your brother, I…I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I do want to help. I’ll make inquiries.”

There’s the sound of wings and when Dean turns around he’s gone again. “Yeah. Thanks.”

It’s not until later, after Bobby has told him things he never wanted to know, after the other shoe finally dropped and Lisa told him to get lost that he wishes he could have talked to Cas, maybe gotten a straight answer about where he’s been, what he’s been doing. Why he _kissed_ him.

But no. Cas isn’t human. Veritas’ curse wouldn’t have worked on him.

Not human… He looks down at Sam, out cold on the floor, after he lied to him _again…_ _“I think I need help.”_

Dean’s life is falling apart around him, but that’s par for the course. He slings Sam’s arm over his shoulder and hauls him out to the Impala.


End file.
